Aug 19

Bridging into High School: Choosing Course Levels

Although the junior high teachers and case managers inform their high school counterparts what they feel is best for your child academically, remember that as parents and guardians, you should have a say in your child’s education.  Don’t let anyone label your child.  By the time your child is ready for high school, if you’ve been an active part of his or her education on the home front, you know just as well as the Ph.D.’s what your child’s strengths and weaknesses are.  And you may know what your child wants to do with his or her life.

Marie wants to go to college.  She wants to be a pre-school teacher.  She needs as much of a college preparatory curriculum as she can handle.  True, she will need assistance with all this.  These new teachers as well as the new Special Education Department need to become an active part of Marie’s support system in school and to provide me with a schedule so that I can keep her on track at home.

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Aug 15

Asperger Self-Help Books By Author With Asperger’s Syndrome

Liane Holliday Willey

Liane Holliday Willey is an accomplished woman by any standards. She holds a doctorate in education, specializing in the fields of psycholinguistics and learning style differences. She’s an avid horsewoman and owns an equine boarding facility. She’s a married mother of three. She also has Asperger’s Syndrome.

In the last 12 years she’s written several widely acclaimed self-help books for those with the syndrome as well as their families. She is the Senior Editor of Autism Spectrum Quarterly and a popular keynote speaker. Her books offer more than hope to the Asperger community. They offer insight, practical skills, and a variety of applicable suggestions for managing everyday life.

Her first book, Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger’s Syndrome, describes growing up undiagnosed.  As a child she struggled with extreme aversion when people came too close, and had great difficulty tolerating noise, unfamiliar places, and disruption in routines. She thought obsessive-compulsive disorder, literal thinking, math dyslexia,and  sensory integration disorder were part of her “personality.” Her problems became more obvious when she left home for college. It wasn’t until one of her children was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome that Willey recognized her own issues with “social action impairments, narrow interests, an insistence on repetitive routines, speech and language peculiarities, non-verbal communication problems, and motor clumsiness.”   Pretending to Be Normal reads like an information-filled memoir, but the real strength of the book can be found in the appendices. There Aspies will find concrete suggestions for dealing with employment issues, sensory perceptions problems, and making conversation. Neurotypicals will find useful points for understanding those on the spectrum.

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Jul 29

Bullies Beware

As I have said before, Adderall slows Marie down so that she has a chance to think before she speaks.  It silences her hyperactivity.  She becomes quiet.  Hyperactivity is part of lunchtime recess.  Without the excitement the other children display during recess, Marie sits out a lot.  This can make Marie a prime target for bullies.

Because she is not the act out aggressive student in class, she can fall into the shadows.  The teacher becomes busy with boisterous students and moving on with lesson plans and may not notice someone making fun of Marie.

Like most parents, I dislike bullying.  In fact, when someone teases a special needs child, someone who may not understand or is slow to realize that everyone is laughing at him or her, it becomes criminal in my mind.  Because once someone becomes a target for bullies, most children steer clear of that child.

Since Marie has so many issues that the teachers need to be aware of, I try to curb bullying from the home front when I can.  The first thing is to get Marie to talk about it.  In the beginning she didn’t realize that students were making fun of her.  I noticed it during a fourth grade classroom party when a boy called her “Ding Dong” and Marie responded.  I glared at the boy but didn’t say anything at the time.  I wanted to talk to Marie about it first.   

But things don’t bother Marie like they bother me.  Is it the innocence, or am I too sensitive?  Not until junior high when fellow students mention how slow she is to answer questions and tell her she is dumb does she have trouble with it.  And this time I found out that she was being teased when one of her siblings at home said something to the effect that she was stupid and I heard her response. 

“That’s what the kids say at school.”  The comment was said resignedly, not angrily, and it pierced my heart.     

I have spent Marie’s lifetime telling her she is not stupid; she just learns differently.  She needs to believe in this just as she believes in God, and she will be fine.  Confidence in oneself is the best ammunition against bullies.

Of course this is when bullying consists of standard words, not profanity.  No one should use profanity to a child.  Never permit things to become physical.  Hair pulling, spit balls, or shoving must be reported to someone in charge. 

Does your Easy to Love child have bullying issues?  What do you do to counteract them?

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Jun 20

Strong Enough To Be Ourselves

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Cameron is 9 years old. Under his bed is an entire world.

This world rests on a sheet of cardboard cut from a refrigerator box. Some days Cameron spends hours working on it. Bodies of water are made from foil, raised in permanently cresting waves, with an exotic array of marine creatures everywhere. Forests are filled with bright trees and plants constructed from painted cotton balls, balsa, toothpicks, clay, paper clips and wrapping paper. His mother says she has to remind herself that Cameron is the one changing it all the time, that his creation isn’t really growing.

Dotted between the trees are tiny shelters, each a different shape. And there is a population. They aren’t exactly people, aren’t exactly animals. They’re called Implas. They are made out of beads, pipe cleaners and fabric. Their dramas keep Cameron busy.

It is pure, unadulterated joy to be wrapped up in a pursuit that is generated by our own interests and fully engages our abilities. For Cameron, as for most of us, the end product isn’t the reward so much as the experience. That’s true whether the work we’re doing is raising children, building a business, filming a documentary or baking cupcakes. When we connect deeply with what we do it’s a continual process of growth, learning and awareness. We’re not invested in the judgment of others. The satisfactions are much richer.

Such pursuits can’t be pushed on us nor can we push them on children. A recent study at the University of Montreal affirms that children build rewardingly passionate interests when they are free to explore activities without adult pressure and interference.

The research emphasizes the importance of autonomy, the drive to express our will and direct the course of our actions. We all have that drive whether we’re two years old or forty-two years old. As one author of the study noted, “Passion comes from a special fit between an activity and a person. You can’t force that fit; it has to be found.”

Of course it’s our place as adults to keep introducing children to wonders they may not encounter on their own.  In fact the very things we encourage—-those new tastes, challenges, experiences and responsibilities—may result in whole new areas of interests.

Lately Cameron has been mulling over the idea of fencing lessons. His weeks are already pretty full. He makes regular video diary entries for his grandmother, puts his science museum pass to good use, races his bike up and down the hills behind the family house and yes, he continues to work on a world of his own making under his bed.

His mother says, “It’s the kids allowed to be their own quirky selves who grow up strong enough to be whoever they want to be.”

 

 

 

Laura Grace Weldon is the author of Free Range Learning: How Homeschooling Changes Everything.

 

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Jun 06

For Brainpower & Focus, Try Clapping

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Mom was right.

The older I get the more I recognize my mother’s parenting wisdom. For example, she believed that traditional games held their value. We played croquet in the back yard—-a lawn game that went out of fashion soon after the Victorian era. We played Battleship using only graph paper and pencils. And we played all kinds of clapping games, from Pat a Cake to silly counting rhymes.

Turns out I owe my mother thanks for more than my straight hair and tendency to burn immediately upon exposure to the sun. I owe her thanks for those games, particularly the hand-clapping ones.

Research finds hand-clapping rhymes and songs are directly linked to cognitive skills.

Dr. Idit Sulkin, of the Ben-Gurion University Music Science Lab, found that young children who naturally play hand-clapping games are better spellers, have neater handwriting and better overall writing skills.

Intrigued, she conducted further research. For ten weeks she engaged groups of children, ages 6 to 10, in a program of either music appreciation or hand-clapping. Very quickly the children’s cognitive abilities improved, but only those taking part in hand-clapping songs.

She also interviewed teachers and joined in when children sang in their classrooms. She was trying to understand why they tend to enjoy hand-clapping songs until a certain age, when other activities such as sports become dominant. Dr. Sulkin observed, these activities serve as a developmental platform to enhance children’s needs — emotional, sociological, physiological and cognitive. It’s a transition stage that leads them to the next phases of growing up.”

Interestingly, Dr. Sulkin also found that hand-clapping songs also benefit adults. When adults engage in these games from childhood they report feeling less tense and their mood improves. They also become more focused and alert.

Clapping and singing, clapping and chanting—-this is found across all cultures in religious ceremonies, solemn rituals, joyous celebrations and to accompany storytellers.  The experience of calling and clapping may speak to something deeper in us.  Maybe we all should play a round of Miss Suzy or Cee Cee My Playmate at the start of every political debate, business meeting or extended family get-together.

 

 

Laura Grace Weldon is the author of Free Range Learning: How Homeschooling Changes Everything.

 

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Jun 01

Unique Child Study

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We all benefit from research, usually in ways we never consider. Rarely do we get the chance to participate. Now we’re being asked for our help. Columbia University researchers are studying how children who are unique in some way are identified and how these children develop.

The Paul F. Lazarsfeld Center for the Social Sciences is seeking stories from parents with children who have been identified as gifted, children who have unique artistic, scientific, or physical abilities, children on the autism spectrum, and children who have been identified as having attention disorders. This is called the Unique Child Study.

While all children are unique, the goal of the study is to identify how children with unique developmental abilities or trajectories develop over early childhood. Because we are parents, we can offer direct experiences and observations of our child’s development. We can also help researchers understand what has made a difference (including different services, programs, academic programs, even our family networks).

This is an opportunity for us to tell our stories in a way that can benefit others. Click through to the survey and help scientists understand the experiences of unique children as they develop over time.

Survey

Email questions

Unique Child Study Facebook page

 

 

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May 20

“How to be a Sister” by Eileen Garvin

I had the pleasure of meeting Seattle author Eileen Garvin at the reading and book signing for her memoir, How to be a Sister: A Love Story with a Twist of Autism, at Village Books in Bellingham, WA. Her book addresses her life growing up as the neurotypical youngest of five, with her slightly older sister, Margaret, affected by severe autism.

Eileen read a particularly funny passage from the book, which she also mentions in her recent interview on Rosie O’Donnell’s radio show, in which her mother and sister met her for dinner at a nice restaurant in Seattle while she was in college. Eileen’s sister Margaret was unable to appreciate the servers singing, the special draw of the unique restaurant. I won’t spoil the story, but do listen to the radio interview and read the full story in the book if you can. If you have a child or sibling who suffers from a disorder that affects behavior, you will find it oh too familiar. Eileen is gifted at identifying the humor in each difficult situation.

Eileen’s book addresses the scarce understanding of autism at the time of her early childhood some 30 years ago. She says that the book chronicles how her relationship with her sister changed over the years as they’ve grown and how they were able to forge a new connection as adults after Eileen went away to college for several years. She wrote the book because there are very few resources available for neurotypical siblings. She said, growing up, siblings often feel overshadowed by the energy and effort that their sibling’s disorder demands from the family.

Eileen was a pleasure to meet and her writing is thoughtful, clever, honest, and full of wisdom. I do recommend it to any parent or sibling of a non-neurotypical child. Her book is available at Target stores and on-line.

Lorraine Wilde is a freelance journalist, environmental scientist, and mother. Her work has appeared in Entertainment News NW, Ithaca Child, and on the parenting web site Neighborhood-Kids.com. She is writing her memoir, and also blogs at My Wilde World.

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May 18

Making School Work for Marie

Sometimes it takes a partnership to educate an Easy to Love child.

To help both Marie and her teachers, I introduce myself and summarize Marie’s uniqueness to the teachers each school year at Back to School Night.  I feel the teachers need to understand Marie beyond the I.E.P. and before she starts falling behind in class.  They need to know that she has a support system at home, parents who are an active part in her education as they hope and pray for her success in an academic setting.  Of course, the summary needs to be contained in a nutshell so as not to tie up the teachers from other parents who wish to speak to them on Back to School Night.

The most important thing I tell the teachers is that if they feel Marie doesn’t understand a concept being presented, don’t wait for the test.  Tell the special education teachers AND me so that we can work as a team to help Marie understand before she falls too far behind.  Marie is very quiet, but the quietness does not denote understanding.  Her thought processes are slower.  When she becomes confused, she doesn’t move on.  She simply thinks of something else and loses whatever the teacher is saying.  It helps if the teacher calls her name every once in a while to keep Marie with the teacher.

Repetition is important for Marie, although sometimes it can feel like it doesn’t matter.  She is in regular classes except for reading and language arts, receives extra help is all subjects, together with extended time for tests and retesting.  She receives study guides which help me tremendously when I review with her in the evenings before tests.  She has a word bank on her tests for Science, Social Studies, and Math.  Most times we half the amount of problems Marie needs to do as her mental processes are slower.

I’m into notes.  I write and tell the teacher what’s going on in Marie’s home reinforcement learning and feel free to ask questions about and make suggestions for her education.  I consider the school teachers and the parents at home a team in the education of a special needs student.  I have no problem telling Marie’s school teachers what not to worry about. 

Marie has developed her own method of calculation with her fingers and uses it in math class.  Nobody seems to know how it works, least of all me, but every year I need to speak to the math teacher about it before it becomes a grading issue.  Here is a portion of the conversation that I have each year with the teacher: 

“She should know her math facts,” the teacher tells me.

“Marie should ‘know’ many things,” I return.  “But she doesn’t.  And that’s that.”

“But it slows her down to do some sort of calculation on her fingers,” the teacher explains.

“Does she get the correct answer?” I ask.

“Most times.”

“Then you need to leave her alone in that regard,” I tell the teacher.  “There is nothing wrong with using your fingers in math class, as long as you get the correct answer, even in the sixth grade.” 

We have lots of other academic issues to work on.  The school year goes by so quickly.  …I know.  It doesn’t seem like it when you are trudging through your child’s education with him or her, but grade-wise and subject matter changes swiftly in our public school system.     

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Apr 28

Food Is Not a Four-Letter Word

My son has Sensory Processing Disorder (also known as Sensory Integration Dysfunction). One aspect of the vast range of symptoms of the disorder is that he is a very picky eater. He doesn’t want to try new foods, he doesn’t like his foods mixed together (which means he can’t appreciate my casseroles, soups, and salads), and he doesn’t even want to eat a food that has touched another on his plate. I knew he was sensitive to the textures and smells of foods because of his oral and olfactory sensitivities. But it took some research to figure out that there is much more to it than just that.

He’s thinner than I’d like, especially after a growth spurt, but we’re thankful that so far this problem hasn’t restricted his growth or health. Mostly, it’s just very annoying to me as a parent. I work hard to cook a healthy, tasty meal for the family, and pat myself on the back for not buying fast food or overly processed/frozen items, but it seems his first response is always, “Mom, this is yucky. Can I have a PB&J?” It’s hard to shake the feelings of under appreciation and worry about his health and remember that it’s really about his neurological disorder.

Over the years, we’ve tried to choose our battles, and until lately food hasn’t been one of them. I’d always tried to convince myself that when he was hungry, he would eat, and as long as I was giving him a quality daily multivitamin and healthy food choices, he’d be just fine. That’s still theoretically true for my son now, but for many children with more severe aversions, those labeled Resistant Eaters, this issue can present serious health concerns. It is not uncommon that children diagnosed with other disorders including Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, and Pervasive Developmental Disorders would also be Resistant Eaters.

For my family, the social aspect has also come in to play recently. When we have dinner at a friend’s house, I’m embarrassed and apologetic when he turns his nose up at the food everyone else is eating. Plus, my husband and I have tired of preparing a separate meal for him each night.

When I look to the future, I’d like my son to be gradually more open to a larger variety of foods, including those mixed together. It’s also important to me that he be exposed to a wider variety of vitamins and nutrients. Ideally, he would also learn to appreciate the scrumptious expanse of foods available to him so he can enjoy all that the world has to offer. What is life without thai food, stinky cheese, or pomegranate? Lately I’ve been feeling like that the longer I let this slide, the harder it will be to change his habits.

So I finally did a little research to see if there was anything I could do as a parent to expand his palate. For more details and strategies on how to get your munchkin to eat, check out Just Take a Bite: Easy, Effective Answers to Food Aversions and Eating Challenges! or Finiky Eaters: What to Do When Kids Won’t Eat, both by Dr. Lori Ernsperger and Tania Stegen-Hanson or Food Chaining: The Proven 6-Step Plan to Stop Picky Eating, Solve Feeding Problems, and Expand Your Child’s Diet by Cheri Fraker, Dr. Mark Fishbein, Sibyl Cox, and Laura Walbert.

Here is a brief list of what the experts recommended.

  1. Understand. Be sure you understand why you have a picky eater. Is it due to delayed oral-motor development (resulting in problems coordinating sucking, swallowing, chewing, and breathing)? Sensory processing issues that affect food are wide ranging. Propioceptive difficulties can affect how the child holds utensils or how they hold their body at the table. Vestibular problems distract the child who is focused on movement in their chair instead of eating. Tactile sensitivity may cause children to avoid foods that are messy to the touch or that have a specific texture. In combination with sensitivities to taste, smell, visual, and auditory inputs, some children may have a number of clear reasons why they aren’t eating. Saying they are picky just doesn’t cover it. Other disorders that can affect eating include impaired respiration, anxiety, and rigid behaviors. The fact that my son’s food could not touch other food is a form of rigidity. His anxiety often keeps him from trying new foods. Understanding the true cause of this problem will help me remain patient and be sure I’m using the approach that’s right for my child. Check with your physician and/or occupational therapist for help understanding your child.
  2. Build a Team. In addition to your physician and any existing therapists, enlist the help of spouses, relatives, teachers, and anyone else close to the child. If your child receives a consistent approach and message when encountering foods, you’ll have a better chance of success.
  3. Determine your individual goals. Professionals recommend you write down your goals for improvement. Goals might include establishing a consistent eating schedule, reducing crying at the table, or introducing one new food each week. There are a wide range of possibilities, but writing down those specific to your child and family will help you focus your efforts.
  4. Make a Plan. Your plan should consider:
    •  creating a meal/snack schedule.
    • choosing appropriate portion sizes (1 tablespoon of each food per year of child’s age) so they’re not overwhelmed.
    • creating a positive mealtime setting by controlling the environment (seating, reducing distractions, modeling positive eating behavior, and avoid negative interactions or discussing food issues during the meal).
    • selecting foods that are healthy and taste good. Begin with foods that are easy to chew and swallow, without strong odors, and progress gradually toward more exotic foods. Be sure to include a small portion of at least one food that you know your child will eat, such as bread or rolls, so they can experience success at each meal.
    • establishing a routine for transitioning to the table, such as hand washing, setting the table, etc. Including the child in the process prepares them for the meal mentally and physically.
    • pre-planning your approach to discipline. Agree and communicate that tantruming children must leave the table and cannot return until the following meal. Children who throw food must clean it up. Clear and consistent is the way to go.
    • your preconceived or cultural beliefs about food. Did you grow up in the “clean your plate club” like I did? Are your expectations too high or getting in the way?
    • Be Patient. Change takes time. Tackle one or two of your goals from step 3 at a time. Trying to fix them all at once and expecting immediate success might feel overwhelming and make you feel like giving up.  If you skip a day or break from your plan, go right back to it.
    • Make it Fun. Talk to your child about the food you are eating. Where does it come from? What are its ethnic origins? What is the best way to eat the food? Try unusual approaches, such as eating olives off fingertips, making food into shapes or animals, sipping applesauce through a straw, or dipping new foods in something the child already likes such as ketchup, salad dressing, or hummus. Approach this issue with your own creativity.

Food issues for children with disabilities are too complex to address fully here. But if we approach it with planning, patience, consistency, and support for each other, we’ll all have a greater chance of improvement. Share your food-based issues here because most of us have been there, regardless of our children’s diagnosis. And hang in there.

Photo by Dabasir on Flickr.

Lorraine Wilde is a freelance journalist, environmental scientist, and mom to twin 7-year old boys. She also blogs at My Wilde World and has published articles in Ithaca Child, Entertainment News NW, and the parenting website Neighborhood-Kids.com.

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Mar 23

Not Nutty At All: ADHD And Diet Are Linked

ADHD and diet are linked, food intolerance affects behavior, junk food lowers intelligence,

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I’m one of those annoying people. I grow enough organic produce to put up hundreds of jars of home canned goods each year. I grind grain to make fresh flour, use coconut oil instead of canola, even make my own herbal tinctures. I was probably a little nutty about nutrition before I had kids but I got a lot nuttier afterwards.

All of my health-foodie ways didn’t ward off my third child’s problems. He was born with a hole in his heart. Even after that was resolved he rarely seemed fully healthy. He had asthma, skin irritations, a chronically stuffy nose, and low resistance to any passing germ. He never complained and his disposition was so sunny that we believed the doctors who told us there was no reason to worry. I reassured myself that his life was full of good food, wonderful experiences, and plenty of nurturing from our close extended family.

But when he was six years old he wasn’t doing well in first grade. His teacher complained that he was distracted, didn’t get his work done, and tended to sit with his hands folded over his head in a posture that enraged her. At her insistence we took him to a psychologist who diagnosed him with ADD.

I was sure we could find a solution, maybe by further perfecting his already healthy diet. So we took him to a pediatric allergist for a series of skin tests. The outcome shocked us. My little boy reacted strongly to nearly everything I’d been feeding him. Worse, the doctor told us that our son’s breathing was dangerously impaired during and after the test. That indicated that his food allergies were serious. The results showed that my son was allergic to soy, to nearly a dozen fruits, and to every grain but rice. The foods I had long suspected, including chocolate and dairy, were not a problem at all. The doctor was so concerned by my son’s asthma flare up that he advised an elimination test to uncover additional food intolerances. We went home with a long list of food and environmental allergens to avoid. My son’s dinner that night was a bowl of rice cereal. Ever the optimist, my son noted that he’d be happy to live on chocolate milk.

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For decades experts have denounced any link between diet and behavior problems. They often poo poo’d a connection between common health problems and diet as well. Back in the 1970’s, parents who insisted their children thrived on the Feingold Diet were told the evidence was entirely anecdotal. Studies were conducted that disproved diet and behavior links, despite questionable procedures. One such study examined children’s reaction to food dyes. Both the experimental and control group of children were given beverages containing sweeteners and artificial flavoring, only the experimental group’s beverage also contained food dye. Both groups of children behaved similarly after the drink. Claims for a connection between diet and behavior were then denounced although press releases rarely mentioned how the tests were conducted.

Now scientific evidence is accumulating to prove what parents have suspected all along. Our children’s minds and bodies are built by what they eat. Some children (like mine) are much more sensitive than others. Previous studies have shown that even children not diagnosed with ADHD or other behavioral disorders react to drinks containing artificial color and sodium benzoate. Not just a mild reaction. They typically increase their activity levels by one-half to two-thirds, in league with their ADHD peers.

diet affects behavior,

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But everywhere our kids turn, marketers push processed and nutritionally devoid foods at them. In fact, more than a third of the calories U.S. children consume now come from junk food. Is it worth fighting the battle against these overwhelming influences?

Certainly seems that way. More and more data is piling up to prove it. And the information is compelling.

Research shows that a junk food diet is linked to a lower I.Q and a greater likelihood of school failure.

The issue isn’t limited to junk food. We might feed our kids the healthiest foods, but if they don’t tolerate these foods well chances are they will react. A new study took a close look at the way ADHD behavioral problems may be caused or accelerated by diet. One hundred children with ADHD symptoms, ages 4 to 8, took part. Fifty of the children and their parents were counseled about healthful diets. The other fifty children were put on diets limited to foods unlikely to cause reactions: rice, turkey, lamb, carrots, lettuce, pears, and other hypoallergenic items. By the study’s end the majority of the children on the limited diet showed significant improvement on a variety of behavioral ratings. Before the diet their symptoms put them in the moderate to severe range of ADHD, but diet intervention reduced to symptoms to those classified as mild or non-clinical. That’s big news.

In my son’s case, changing his diet wasn’t easy. But we could see the difference in a week’s time. His stuffy nose cleared. The bumps on his skin smoothed out. And we discovered that he kept his arms folded over his head so often because it expanded his lungs to help him breathe, something he didn’t need to do as his asthma got better.

My son didn’t stick with all the new dietary limitations all the time, especially as he got older. And a restricted diet wasn’t the whole answer. Together we learned that school wasn’t the right place for his particular gifts to flourish. Without the pressure of cafeteria lunches, classroom snacks, and school parties it was much easier to feed him the foods his body tolerated well.

www.bitofearthfarm.com

Image: L.Weldon

Including chocolate milk. Being the nut I am, I took even chocolate milk to the extreme. Now we raise our own dairy cows!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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