One year ago we started this blog! In blog years that’s like a century! I think I can speak for all the contributors here when I say it’s been wonderful to be part of this community. Parents of children with invisible special needs need help, commiseration, and the knowledge that they are not alone, and this is what we’re trying to do here at Easy to Love but Hard to Raise.
I’ve had many days where I’m perplexed, depressed, worried, sad, and puzzled my by ETL child’s behavior and posted about it, only to find out within minutes that I’m neither alone in my problem nor am I without solutions.
We’ve also gained over 1200 fans on our Facebook page, which is amazing. Between the comments on the posts and the discussion going on through Facebook I’ll steal something a poster recently said and tell you that I feel like this is the best support group I’ve never met! I’ve had many days where I’m perplexed, depressed, worried, sad, and puzzled my by ETL child’s behavior and posted about it, only to find out within minutes that I’m neither alone in my problem nor am I without solutions.
I thank you all for this, from the bottom of my heart.
But enough of the facts and figures and gushy thank yous. In celebration of our birthday, we’ll be giving away 5 copies of Easy to Love but Hard to Raise this week! All you have to do to enter is post a comment on this post telling us WHY your child is easy to love and also hard to raise. At the end of the week I’ll be drawing names. Go! (and spread it!)
(cake photo by flickr user chidorian)
Adrienne Bashista is the co-editor of and contributor to the book, Easy to Love but Hard to Raise: Real Parents, Challenging Kids, True Stories. She writes about parenting a special needs son, advocacy for special needs parents, and FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). She lives in North Carolina with her husband, two sons, dogs, chickens, and bees.
Thank you, too, Adrienne. It’s been a rough month with OCD, and I really needed the big, fat smile I have on my face right now! We rock at ELT!
My son has ADHD and OCD and some days are beyond difficult, daily going back to the classroom to pick up things he has forgotten, constantly reminding him to get homework done, wash his hands, pick up his room, quit jumping, reassuring him that eating a pop tart w/ a broken corner won’t hurt him.. But the rewards are AMAZING!! The feeling I get when he tells me that he loves me and appreciates me always being there for him!! This month he was even awarded Student of the Month!!
My son is so easy to love as he is fun, sensitive and caring! He is difficult to raise with his impulsiveness!!! He was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago.
My child is easy to love because she is friends with everyone. Sees the good side of people even when they are mean to her but doesn’t let them walk on her either. She has spoken the language of animals since she was a toddler and I don’t understand it, must be her peaceful nature. Hard to raise because that same peaceful manner means she’s not in a hurry to do anything, understand anything, help with anything and she wants to do what she wants to do when she wants to do it….and if she doesn’t you better look at for the rage train. It gets worse with fatigue or improper dosing. How does a kid this happy most of the time all of a sudden become the face of ugly threats to her family and herself? So yes, she’s easy to love and at the same time, hard to raise.
My 9-year-old daughter Emma has ADHD and we have been through the challenges – from teachers who call up saying they cannot “babysit” this child anymore to the 10th bathroom flood because she left a faucet running (again).
But nothing has ever quenched Emma’s confidence.
Emma spoke up in a class discussion on bullying last month. She told her classmates how she felt about being ADHD and their comments about her Daytrana patch, etc. She was proud of herself but I was worried about how it had been received by the kids since she doesn’t always pick up on that.
Then at the school’s holiday concert her teacher told me Emma’s speech had been “a highlight of my career.” She said Emma was mature and honest and she’d only let it continue because she could see it taking effect. Other kids had mentioned Em’s speech since then, she said, showing increased understanding, not ridicule.
I was so proud I nearly cried!
When I told Emma how she might have helped a lot of other kids by speaking up, she just said, “I might have to be a part-time speechwriter when I grow up.”
My son is extremely easy to love, but incredibly hard to raise. At age 7 he was diagnosed bipolar and now he’s almost 11 and we realize there’s also ADHD, severe anxiety and probably OCD as well which combines the traits of his parents & older sister to make quite a family soup. He’s getting better at recovering from outbursts, but just last night when his sister came into his bedroom to “say goodnight” as dad had suggested, she impulsively leaned over him to kiss the top of his head and he violently and very loudly pushed her away hurting her neck in the meantime. Of course, big sister impulsively smacked him back hitting his shoulder and left crying to attempt finishing homework before collapsing in bed. Up until that moment had been an amazingly conflict free day. My husband and I don’t remember if either of us had jinxed it by noting that fact, because we were too exhausted after calming the first aggressor into bed and then getting a dose of tween attitude from the elder one when it was obvious her remaining homework estimate was way off. The grey light of morning brings the inevitable need to dole out consequences that have to occur because “undermining” the other parent authority just continues the cycle. Some days I yearn for the blissful ignorance of that galaxy far, far away of B.C., Before Children… My son climbed into our bed this morning for hugs and warmth before cheerfully getting himself ready for school… another day begins.
My son is easy to love and hard to raise. He has such highs and lows. As the non ADD parent the inconsistencies in his behaviors send me to the moon and back somedays. His “normal” behaviors of impulsivity, interrupting, not sitting when eating ( you get the idea right?) are all ” hot buttons” for me. Oh and did I mention the bullying to his young sisters…argh! Then we have days where his kindness is so extraordinary that I am blown away and suddenly can see the man he will one day be. he is a leader at school and on the sports fields. He is a straight A student who would prefer to tear out his fingernails rather than write a full paragraph. My son is so easy to love but somedays so har to raise. I pray for guidance each day and truly rely on this blog and others to get me through some days. thanks so much to everyone! My son’s diagnoses has been a true journey of a thousand miles and each day is a new step for all of us.
My 5 yr old son Brian has not been dx 100% yet. The dr’s say he is to young & so many symptoms over lap. Possible ADHD (with or without) bipolar, PTSD, & a slight mention of OCD.
He is easy to love because he likes to make us smile with his silly faces & goofy dancing. I also love it when he wants to cuddle.
But he is so hard to raise when he is hurting us (including the dogs) over the littlest things. Like when we are driving down an interstate & he can’t reach something he MUST have now. So I have to pull over & get in the back to make sure he stays in his seat belt. While he spits on me, claws me, pulls my hear… You get the idea. Dr’s visit can be terrifying (for us both) he has slapped me trying to flee & kicked nurses… Dinner times are stressful too… The almost content arguing drives us nuts! I have to be creative to get him to do somethinges like taking his meds.
Thank you for this Facebook page, and I appreciate that it has not become commercialized!
Yes, my 7yo son has aggravating moments including 5 suspensions from school for disruptions and angry outbursts. His latest occured a week ago when that teacher had to take a pencil eraser from him after he refused several times to give it up. The meltdown was so bad they had to dismiss the entire class while they worked with him to calm down.
Yet I know that is not my real son. Often happy, excited to learn new things, loving music and playing it in ever so creative ways, often making us smile in his innocent ways. I hope I can continue to be a good parent to him to help reveal all those hidden gifts and talents!
My son fits the title since he was born. Everyone can see there is something just not right. He can be very giving, loving and generous one moment and then the next have a huge outburst. He has been on meds now for 5 1/2 years which we have gone thru almost everything available. He has side effects from them all can’t sleep and doesn’t want to eat, but they do work to make him enjoyable. He struggles at school, struggles sleeping, struggles staying focused, etc. He is definetely hard to raise and therefore the reason I have 7 years between him and and his sibling.
My son has just recently been diagnosed with ADHD and has just started his meds. This is week one. I am seeing the incredible difference the meds have made in his life and have found that he might actually get his life back. (I might too!). Without the meds, he’s aggressive, cranky, runs through my house constantly, never stops to listen, loud, talks excessively, but is one of the sweetest boys I’ve ever met! He’s into science, legos and his ds. Without this blog and many others, I never would’ve been able to get the help that I needed for him. Thank you and Happy Birthday!!
Our son is the most caring, thoughtful, wonderful son a parent could ever ask for. He has FASD and ADHD. The way he lights up a room, brings energy to everyone around him, & has proven his school wrong on many occasions! The school doesn’t always know what’s best for our son, which brings me to the hard to raise part.
Never stop advocating for your child, it’s been the best thing we as parents could do for our son!
We’ve taken a different approach with his school & he, as well as us are benefiting from it! One day at a time. We party on the good days, & move forward with the not so good days!
My 8 year old son is Easy to Love but Hard to Raise! He can be the sweetest big brother – sharing toys and candy without me even asking, but he can also melt down into fits of rage and yelling at a moment’s notice, too. Thanks so much to this blog so know I and my son are not alone.
I am really excited to have found this Blog, your book and Facebook page. I have 7 year old twins, both of whom are ETL. My daughter is hearing impaired. Except for hearing aids which are usually hidden under her long hair, anyone meeting her would likely not suspect her hearing impairment. She is a testament to the power of early intervention services. She is extremely intelligent, funny and loves to read. Until this past year, we did not know her twin had any difficulties. It all started last spring, when he really struggled behaviorally in school, would run out of the house and down the street when told “no” and then began to get rough with his sister and adults and then often asked to leave summer camp this summer. After lots of pushing and a neuro-psych he was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. We started him on a small dose of ritalin and also did on in-home treatment program as a family. While he still has his moments, life has improved dramatically. He’s having no behavioral issues at school. He is so smart as well as caring and funny. With my daughter, we have a group of friends who also have kids with hearing loss, so get lots of support there. We have not had this with my son, so I am so happy to find these resources online!
My 10 year old is very easy to love because he is my cuddlebug. He has Aspergers and ADHD which make him hard to raise. He is an amazing, sweet child, but when his mouth is in overdrive he alienates the people around him. He is super-truthful which is good, but bad. When Grandma says something about her back hurting and he tells her that it’s because she is old, that is bad
Hard to raise since my son has started kindergarten. My son recently brought home a note from his art teacher expressing that he had been “disrespectful to his paint brush” because he continued to smash the bristles on the paper when told not to. When I asked him about the ordeal, he said that his paintbrush was having a bad hair day. Sounded very reasonable to me. His point of view make him so easy to love and lightens the load along the way.
My child is affectionate, goofy, quirky, honest (to a fault sometimes), full of energy and possibilites; and he’s knowingly irritating, loud, occasionally rude, careless, in-your-face rebellious, etc.
But he’s my child and I love him. I’ll do whatever I need to do to raise him and his brother the best I know how.
My youngest is my ETL but HTR child. It is difficult dealing with him because, despite the fact that he’s a typically developing kid, he copies many of his brother’s behaviors. His brother has Asperger’s, along with other co-morbid disorders and is unable to prevent his own behaviors, but my youngest is capable of preventing these behaviors. Patience is a key word around here!!
So happy I’ve found this site thanks to a post by a FB ‘friend’. I have 3 difficult children with diagnoses. This could save my life! Or at least prevent a few gray hairs & wrinkles!
The day my son came into this world remains the best day of life. A beautiful baby and now a handsome boy. I am a single mom. It has been a roller coaster ride for the past 10 years (good thing I like roller coasters =). !). After being asked to leave two day cares and preschools, lots of appointments with lOts of docs he was diagnosed with ADHD. I tried diet changes at first but that was not enough. So I spoke to the doc about meds – 2 weeks later he came with his first star student award!
My son is a natural athlete, very witty and smart. Creative and caring. He volunteers with dogs, he loves fishing, and anything outdoors. He is a patience teacher to young children. I love him endlessly, even when he drives me crazy!
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