Jun 01

Take Care of Yourself in a Big Way at the Happy Mama Conference & Retreat: A weekend getaway for moms of kids with ADHD, ASD, FASD, and other brain-based disabilities

This mama ain’t been very happy lately. In fact, my never-ending worries about my 11 year old daughter, Natalie, who has ADHD, sensory processing disorder, anxiety, and is on the fetal alcohol spectrum, have put me in a real funk. Most days, my bed starts calling my name by mid-afternoon. I’ve had zero motivation to work or do most anything else. I’ve felt like avoiding any and all social interactions. This funk has been severe enough, and lasted long enough, that I decided I had to make a conscious effort to do something about it—to take better care of myself. So, I made a few small changes in my daily routine. I started going for a short walk several days each week. I pulled my vitamin and mineral supplements out of the cupboard and recommitted to taking them daily. I gave myself permission to spend more time reading for pleasure. I’ve been scheduling a few lunches out with friends.

I firmly believe that when you’re living with the stress of raising a child with special needs, you have to make a conscious effort to take care of yourself. After all, as the saying goes, if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Even small investments in your own well-being, like those I listed above, can make a difference in how well you cope with day-to-day challenges.

Yes, small is good. But big is even better! So, I’ve also pledged to do something significant. I’ve registered to attend the Happy Mama Conference & Retreat, a two day getaway especially for moms of kids with special needs.

The Happy Mama Conference & Retreat will take place July 28–29, 2012, at the Rock Barn Golf & Spa, in Conover, North Carolina. Here’s what the retreat is all about, as described on the Happy Mama website, www.if-mama-aint-happy.com :

What: A CONFERENCE that focuses on your needs as the mom to a child with a very real, but invisible, brain-based disability, like ADHD, ADD, OCD, ODD, FASD, PBD, SPD, PDD, or one of the many other overlapping conditions that make parenting your child an extra challenging situation, and a RETREAT, where we’ll provide you with wonderful food, spa opportunities, fun activities, and camaraderie with other moms who know exactly where you’re coming from.

Why: Because parenting children with invisible disabilities is an extremely stressful, isolating, and emotional job and one which can impact your health and well-being in a negative way.

 The retreat, hosted by DRT Press (publisher of  Easy to Love but Hard to Raise) and the website {a mom’s view of ADHD} (founded and edited by Penny Williams) and supported by a growing list of sponsors, including CHADD and the Catawba Valley Medical Center, will offer the perfect blend of education, support, and pampering.

Saturday’s speakers will cover: “Parenthood, Stress, Health, and Resiliency,” “Advocating for Your Child in School,” and “How to Be Happy: Calming Techniques for You and Your Child.” Sunday will be devoted to fun and pampering, which may include spa treatments, relaxing by the pool, gem mining, hiking, yoga, horseback riding, or kayaking.

Doesn’t that sound fabulous? I can hardly wait!   

Sharon Barbary Bryan registered for the conference, but has since found out that she’s unable to attend. Sharon is donating  her conference registration and on-site lodging, approximately a $350 value, to a deserving  mom! The retreat organizers are running a contest to determine what lucky mama will be the recipient of Sharon’s generous gift. Here’s how it works: Follow this link. Nominate a special needs mama whom you feel deserves to attend the retreat, by writing a sentence or two in the comments field (of that post, not this one!) explaining why she needs a break.  The contest will run June 1 – June 22.

If you are interested in attending whether you win this contest or not, please don’t hesitate to register now. Registration is just $129 until July 1. If you are “in the business” of ADHD, FASD, ASD, or other brain-based disorders and wish to become a retreat sponsor, email happymamaretreat@gmail.com for their sponsorship package.

In the meantime, take a few steps, big or small, to take better care of yourself. You work so hard to bring happiness to your special child. You deserve to be happy too.

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May 31

ADHD in HD: Brains Gone Wild, by Jonathon Chesner {a rad new book for teens & young adults with ADHD}

Free Spirit Publishing’s latest release, ADHD in HD: Brains Gone Wild is—by far—the coolest book about ADHD in existence. It’s so “melting your face off with the flames of awesomeness” cool, that I can’t imagine a cooler book coming along anytime soon. It’s written by Continue reading

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Mar 30

When Invisible Disabilities Aren’t

I embrace the term “invisible” disabilities to describe our Easy to Love (ETL) kids; kids with mental health conditions, developmental disabilities, or behavior disorders that are manifested through internal stuggles or behavior, rather than being clearly visible in their bodies, or on their faces. The invisibility of ETL kids’ issues is what leads to so much misinformation, judgement, and blame. Our kids often appear to simply be defiant, bad, naughty children, and we appear to be indulgent, lenient, ineffective parents. Continue reading

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Jan 09

An Unfinished Essay (That Needs a Happy Ending)

 

Aaron & Natalie at their cousin's wedding, June 2011

 

Even though I co-edited the book Easy to Love but Hard to Raise, and thus had an “in” as far as having a piece accepted, I didn’t submit an essay for inclusion in the book. I started to write an essay, but I never finished it. One reason was that I was too busy editing other people’s essays to have time to work on mine. Believe me, that was a valid reason.  But I also got caught up in not knowing how my essay should end. Maybe that’s because the real-life saga at the heart of my essay is still very much a work in progress, a sad fact that became all too clear last Sunday night.

A situation developed that led my 15-year-old neurotypical son, Aaron, to express feelings of hurt and resentment about how he’s treated by his dad and me, in comparison with his sister, Natalie, our 11-year-old who has ADHD and comorbid conditions.

Continue reading

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Dec 15

“Mine!” “I want…!” “More! More! More!”: More than the usual behavior problems of an alphabet-soup-labeled ETL child

I was less patient than normal this morning as I pushed and prodded my 11 year old ETL daughter, Natalie, through her getting-ready-for-school routine. Continue reading

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Nov 17

Can I change the attitudes of my ETL daughter’s neurotypical classmates?

Some time back I listened in on a virtual press conference kicking off abilitypath.org’s “Disable Bullying”  campaign and the release of the report: “Walk a Mile in Their Shoes: Bullying and Special Needs.”  Reading the report, about how ETL kids and other kids with disabilities are bullied was an eye-opening, cringe-inducing, heart-breaking experience. Continue reading

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Oct 12

Meet Eve, Part 5: Blame & Shame

Welcome to part 5 of this series of posts about Eve, short for Everyparent of an “Easy to Love but Hard to Raise” Child. Eve is an archetype who represents the experience of raising a child with ADHD or other invisible disabilities. She’s revealed in the upcoming book, Easy to Love but Hard to Raise: Real Parents, Challenging Kids, True Stories, which is now available for pre-order direct from the publisher, DRT Press, at 30% off cover price, as well as from amazon.com. In parts 1 through 4 of this series we explored the following quotes from Eve, all of which reflect the pre-diagnosis stage of the special needs parenting experience, from when our children are infants, through the preschool years. Eve says:

“The experience of parenting this child is nothing like I thought it would be.”

“I can’t enjoy playgroup, story time at the library, or other chances to spend time with other parents and kids, because my child’s behavior is too hard to manage.”

“I expected standard discipline tactics to work, but they just don’t. I seek out new parenting strategies, but they don’t work either.”

Continue reading

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Sep 29

Are we mothers, or martyrs? When and why do we medicate our ETL kids?

 

Patricia Quinn, M.D. served as an expert for the book Easy to Love but Hard to Raise

A recent survey of 1003 parents of kids with ADHD, co-sponsored by NovenPharmaceuticals, the makers of the Daytrana patch, and ADDitude magazine, found these, among other, results:

  • Nearly all children who take medication do so during the school day. Sixty-one percent of parents whose children take medication allow it to lapse beyond the school day.
  • More than one-third of parents find weekday activities and events—including after-school activities—difficult to manage, and 27 percent have difficulty managing family or social events on weekends.
  • Homework time was the most difficult time for parents to manage their child’s ADD/ADHD symptoms when the child was not taking medication.
  • This leads me to ask: Why is this? Do we medicate our children only when absolutely necessary—for school—but cope with our kids’ difficult behaviors at home, because we believe (consciously or subconsciously) that we would be medicating them for our own benefit, and therefore we are reluctance to do so? If not, then how do you explain those results?

    Continue reading

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    Aug 24

    Back-to-School with ADHD

    My daughter, Natalie, started fifth grade last week. Thankfully, she’s settling in quickly—much better than she has in the past—as you’ll see when you read the post below, reprinted from my ADDitudeMag.com ADHD parenting blog, My Picture-Perfect Family. The post first appeared in 2009, when Natalie was entering third grade. This year the transition to school was a walk in the park. See? There is hope! —Kay

    Three weeks before school started, Natalie started falling apart, behavior-wise, apparently anticipating the thing she dreads most: change. Now, three weeks into third grade, she’s finally starting–just starting–to settle in. Three seems to be her magic number.

    Oh, my gosh, it’s been tough. Nat, like many kids with ADHD, has a hard time with change, with transitions. Even change that’s positive, or that’s neutral at worst, wreaks havoc with her emotions. And this particular change, the start of school, is on the surface, no biggie. Nat likes her teacher, Mr. Sibbel, and I’m getting really good vibes from him on my mama radar. Bobby, one of her best school friends, is in her class. She’s in a familiar environment–she’s been at Sawyer elementary since kindergarten. Same principal, same office ladies, same school nurse, same special ed teacher, Mrs. Carter. So what’s the big deal? Change. Any kind of change.

    Continue reading

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